Not So Fast There, Missy.

>: /   <-- is that a growling frowning face emoticon?  Because that's what I mean it to be.

"Nearly Done" - ha!  Might as well hang a "Mission Accomplished" banner with that last blog post.

Remember this?  It's a Pergola that had kind of gone to seed and I decided to use it as the entrance to the labyrinth.  I liked the feeling of "ruin" that it had, and I imagined fixing it up (loose terminology there) and having a kind of open, organic room to meditate or journal in ... and then proceeding out into (or coming back from) walking the labyrinth.

 Well. Not so fast there, missy.  Hubby-the-engineer would have none of the "fixing it up stuff" and called in a crew of his friends to straighten the boards and make it sound.

And while I'm sure I can eventually appreciate the "soundness" of it, at this moment I can't stand the industrial strength galvanized cabling and pressure treated wood beams.  Blech.  Next they are coming in to flatten the floor and make it level.  Really?  WTF do I need a level floor in there?  I'm not going to be living in it.

Okay.  So we're having a little intensity around mixing the feminine and masculine elements here.

And, I'm not so wild about the sand that came. 

It's too white!  It feels like some kind of fake beach or something.

After umpteen wheelbarrow loads I am thinking to myself -
"THIS LOOKS LIKE CRAP!"

Not exactly the meditative energy I began with, or want to continue with.  So I've hit a metaphorical brick wall - and that is what it looks like. (Not to mention - shoveling hurts my back!)
Harumph.

If I step back I can still see the vision I had.  So I'm going to do that ... and hopefully the "crew" will finish and I can reclaim the whole space.  And figure out what to do about the sand.  I'm thinking topsoil.  

Maybe I need to focus on some plants?  

As an aside, and probably not all that accidental in the grander scheme of the Universe, my husband and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage on April 13.  It's funny how even after all that time we can still hit these spots where I think to myself - who the heck are you and don't you even know me??  

He definitely does.  It's not about him.  It's not about the sand.  

When things shift inside of me - heart and mind - 

it's always tempting to imagine someone else is the culprit.

I think I'll focus on the Wisteria.