I've heard it said that "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die" and I can really see how that is true.
I've found myself being resentful that an enjoyable site on the Internet has become a previously enjoyable site. That it is now being completely dominated by someone who is sick, insane and toxic. That person, however, goes blithely about posting and conversing, and simply having the freedom that can only come with clearing out a room due to your own insanity and violence.
At some point I was really resenting her doing that. "Hey," I thought "I want to hang out there - why do you get to have all the conniption fits and vomit all over the place and now I can't post because you'll take over the thread and turn it to shit?"
And then I said to myself - holy cow. How can I possibly let someone else, who I (hope to GOD) will never meet manipulate me into thinking that she has that kind of power over me.
I can call her insane (and probably am right). But if I continue to go there and post and put myself out there -- then I am also insane.
And, I'm not.
And now I don't even have the resentment. Yep, there are nice people there. I'm sure there are. But life is too short and the Internet is a huge place. Who the heck needs that kind of insanity?
Not me.
First rule when you run into pirates: Never give up the ship!
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you ever run into an ex, back up and hit him again.
It'll get better. Or not. Read my post in Schad's thread. I don't know... but I do.
That was a great post!! Sadly, I believe that her lack of answering you with vitriol and anger is that her current nic has been banned. She hasn't posted in about 24 hours.
ReplyDeleteSo, while like Ron and skitch and others I wish she could/would take your post in the spirit of help and compassion with which it was offered, I don't hold any expectation of that.
Hope, maybe.
I guess I have a hard time really hating the person involved, as she certainly is as close to being demon-possessed as anyone I have ever encountered.
ReplyDeleteI actually feel really badly for her, in spite of all the harm she has done. Unfortunately, when I post there, I am not strong enough to refrain from prodding her with a sharp stick -- then I find myself feeling guilty for having done so.
I am not sure "hating" is the word I would use for my feelings about her. Mostly she looks very, very sick.
ReplyDeleteBut one thing I've learned about the disease of alcoholism - you can hate the disease and not the person, but that doesn't relieve any of the very real pain caused by their sick, sick actions.
In real life there would be things I could do. In Frayville, well, there isn't. Except ignore her, to the best of my ability simply ignore her when she's talking directly to me or attacking me or whatever.
Her presence is part of the landscape, and that I don't ignore. Maybe that is wrong of me. But there it is.