Giving

There is a notion that if you do something for 29 days it becomes a habit. Last year about this time I joined a group called 29-Day Gifts.

For three rounds I was very diligent and conscious about giving. It was, in fact, life altering and I was thrilled with the whole process. Very thankful for the technology that enabled so many to do so much.

Then, as so often happens, I hit a wall. I didn't immediately become selfish or stingy. But I hit a wall, and saw nothing but obstacles. When I went to the site there was "too many....too much... too whatever" and when I made plans to give it was "too this or too that"....and I found myself winding down in ennui.

"go, go, go said the bird: human kind cannot bear very much reality" ....so said TS Eliot. And truer words I cannot imagine.

No matter who deeply I may desire to be a giver, to be consistent, to be present and to be aware... I, so definitely part of human kind, cannot bear "very much" reality and so I end up sinking ..... " words strain, crack and sometimes break under the burden, under the tension, slip, slide, perish, decay with imprecision, will not stay in place, will not stay still." (More Eliot).

And so I begin another round of giving, conscious again, and hopeful. One small thing each day.

Bearing as much reality as I can.