I am sitting here in my house in a state of utter disbelief and shock.
A young woman, a friend of my daughter's, was admitted to the hospital yesterday with Meningitis. And now she is gone. Gone. I don't have any details - what good are they anyway? I feel muscles in my heart ripping apart.
This beautiful child was an absolute joy. She was strong. Intelligent. Funny. Gorgeous. Friendly. She rode horses with a strength and vigor that surprised people around the country. She was talented and unique.
I'm simply sobbing. I want to be able to write so much more and to write something that will matter, that will grab bits and pieces of who she was before they are gone ....
I see her standing in my house in the middle of the night at a slumber party, coming up with tricks and games and feeling so totally at home that she made me feel even more at home in my own home....
So sorry to see this. Words are pretty inadequate. One foot in front of the other. Our thoughts are with you all.
ReplyDeleteYou and I both know how this time is going to go for you. Be good to yourself. Don't push, don't blame, don't let yourself go too far down "that" road. Pursue moments without this in your mind.
ReplyDeleteMichael, thank you. Yes, one foot.
ReplyDeleteIso, I think I stole that subject from you. I'm sorry. It is just what came to my mind, and now I am sure it is in your blog.
I'm just shattered. Not literally like her mom. But there was a piece of me that was whole this morning and now is not.
Jesus Christ. We're all barely here, aren't we?
ReplyDeleteThat is so right. Barely here. The day goes on. I'm amazed at that.
ReplyDeleteAt the hospital, she is on life support still. Family members are arriving from around the globe.
ReplyDeleteThere is an indescribable tug of hope, and I feel it, too, in my deepest heart.
I just shake my head.
Life support with hope of recovery, or life support until the family can gather? Either way, what a drag. Your daughter must be a mess too. Hang tough Arts.
ReplyDeleteIt's the fragility of circumstance; fate turns on a dime. But no one should have to bury a child.
ReplyDeleteIn my thoughts.
Thank you all for saying ... and for thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSurreal-life goes on - our family is gathering in Orlando (we leave tomorrow) as my youngest daughter turns 21 on Saturday. Even her sister from Seattle is coming (as a surprise) ....
So it goes, in weird turns and strange flips.
Oh, and I really want to say that my name is Cindy. Jacobs. And I am a real person. You all are real to me .... and I keep remembering that bit of The Four Quartets "human kind cannot bear very much reality" ...
ReplyDeleteSo thanks for reading me.
Did I also say that 5 1/2 years ago my daughter Anna had this mysterious and terrible disease? Bacterial Meningitis? And she survived.
ReplyDeleteThe great fortune I was afforded overwhelms me.